Surprise! You drank the wrong Kool-Aid

Viewers of FOX News Network (along with EIB listeners and old farts) are in a state of what can only be described as “shock and awe,” that Barack Obama has been elected the 44th President of the United States.

For the last 21 months or so these folks have been cocooning themselves in comforting lies watching a very different election than the one which has played out in the real world millions of homes across the civilized portions of the country. Not to include “Real ‘A’merica,” as in, the states that begin with the letter ‘A’: Alabama, Arkansas, Alaska, etc. a.k.a the only states the scary old man won.

Perhaps they will change the names of the O’Reilly Factor, Sean Hannity and Rushbo shows to something more fitting. 48th Street nominates: The Lying, Fascist ‘man on teevee agrees with me’ Fantasy Hour with special guest Ann Coulter

You can imagine my surprise and jubilation when during the Black Presidential Election news coverage, Fox News cut to a Philadelphia polling site that had supposedly been attacked by Black Panthers. Not actual Black Panthers of course, that species has thankfully passed into extinction along with the Guardian Angels, the Klan and elections dominated by tired baby-boomer psychodrama. Very retro… like, so four-years ago… but I digress.
Who was actually up in that bitch? None other than Minister King Samir Shabazz weilding a goddamn piece of broken-ass furniture a nightstick with a fellow crackhead another Black nationalist.

Of course, we here at 48th Street know that the Minister King is nothing more than a loveable “Cracker” hating homeless man who tries to hawk a two-year old racist newspapers outside City Hall. Unfortunately but hilariously, a certain pill-popping lard-ass decided to bogart a little of Shabazz’s election day fun for his own nefarious purposes. Namely, to try to scare people into voting for some old man who makes funny faces.

I’ll let fat-fuck Rushbo speak for himself here:

“This is a YouTube video of an unidentified man who says he’s media from the University of Pennsylvania, approaching a Philadelphia polling place and has an exchange with two Black Panther members holding nightsticks at the door.”

More Super Hero team-up after the jump!
Fat Cracker teams up with Black crackhead to do battle with the evil Black Presidential Election 2008

The Tampa Bay Rays and their half-dozen fans will head home with heavy hearts and rusty cowbells; their franchise has never once won a  World Series in its storied, decade-long history.

We can only hope this victory will not soften the warrior spirit of the city and its sports fans. Celebrate now, but steel yourselves for another round of berating the area’s other hapless sports teams. Whatever future victories come to this most-deserving of cities, don’t go the way of Boston; complacent, entitled and wearing what amounts to clown make-up. Like these tools.
A fate worse than death.

He listens to "revolutionary, cracker-killing hip-hop" on his headphones and says things like: "I'll get black to you on that."

So the Daily News apparently felt it was their moral obligation as journalists to do a compare and contrast multi-story expose on racists and area hate-groups six days before the most racially charged election in America’s history.

We here at 48th would have thought the Phillies in the World Series gives people enough reason to torch the city, but hey, if not for the Daily News we would have never had the pleasure of meeting Minister King Samir Shabazz.

As the contrast to a boring story on skinhead white-trash reppin’ fo’ some Viking asshole during the Regatta, Dana DiFilippo introduced us to the chairman, treasurer and only member of the New Black Panther Party.

What followed was the greatest personality profile 48th Street has ever read.

This is not only because Shabazz is obviously a pan-handling crackhead. It is because:

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve.

Minister King Samir Shabazz wears his on his forehead. Right between the eyes.

That’s the lead, and it only gets better from there. The story has single-handedly restored my faith in mainstream journalism, and I think also, brought the entire world closer to God’s vision and intent.

Barack Obama may be Black President, but Samir Shabazz is the Black Minister King.

This link may change your life, it did mine

New Panthers’ war on whites

The reaction of the home fan base was predictable, torment Tampa Bay Gays fans, who were in turn earnestly shaking soggy cowbells to their sodomite gods that the series would return to their fruity home park, Tropicana Field.

Phil’s fans live down to their reputation

!UPDATE!

According to Deadspin, it turns out the mysterious sage who uttered the words “That fucking guy. I wouldn’t let him supervise one of my shits,” upon seeing Bud Selig post-abbreviated Game 5 was Phillies’ lefty Scott Eyre. The statement, while humorous on its face, does imply that there is a guy Scott Eyre would let supervise him defecating.

Mystery Phillies Bud Selig chastiser identified (we think)

Having pretty much conceded defeat in the 2008 Black Presidential Election, conservatives will now turn their sights on cannibalizing what’s left of their party by excommunicating anybody who questioned the wisdom adding VP Pitbull McPsychobitch to the their ticket. It’s all set to be  good old-fashioned witch hunt, except with KKK robes not pilgrim hats.

If this is true, then we here on 48th Street can honestly deduce that a post-election Republican Party will be comprised of just a fat pill-popping Cracker, Michele Bachmann and a porn star.

We report, you decide here:

Conservatives plan secret post-election strategy session

Well the one that is kinda’ fug threw the pics up on the Facebook machine, and my guess is that neither the Holy Father or Mrs. Bozo much approves.

In all fairness, score one for formerly faggy-dressing 80s icons and their shriveled, shaking pimp-hands.

The full story with pHOtos here:

It’s Not What You Think

Then he carved a backwards capital “B” right into Joe “old-ass Drew Carey” Maddon’s cheek.

To be perfectly fucking frank, Fogle might have uncorked a couple last night too, probably to a picture of a bologna sandwich or some corndogs and shit. Hopefully not in your hoagie.

Here on 48th Street, the mere mention of that portly, whiny, boil on the ass of all humanity evokes the irrepressible urge to ignore the politics of the day and just “kick it Old School” for a while.

If by “Old School” you mean smoke a couple loosely rolled turbos, toss the cassette-tape Bone Thugs-n-Harmony’s single Crossroads into a walkman, and chill on the grimy side of the 7-Eleven like it’s 1997.

Then maybe punch someone in the nose-bone just for breathing and shit.

So anyway, here’s the link:

Limbaugh: Where are the inexperienced white liberals Powell has endorsed?

We adored her for her earthy accent, elegant looks and of course her screeching accusations of a domestic terrorism conspiracy reaching to the highest levels of the Democratic party.

Sure, she was inexperienced, radically fundamentalist and fundamentally retarded. But if the last eight years have taught us here on 48th Street anything, it’s that inexperienced, retarded jesus-freaks are what America wants in a leader.

Well times have changed for America, but not so much for Sarah Palin, and now the rabid-moose of public opinion is charging right for her, and threatening to take that strange, angry old man (her father maybe?) she pals around with and trample them right into the cold November snow.

Let’s all take a moment today to pause and imagine how things might have been. Then shudder.